Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Rainbow Suspenders

Time in Toronto has come to an end.

I was actually, technically in Etobicoke, but I tell everyone Toronto. Who can really tell the difference, though? For those of you who answered "people who live in Toronto and Etobicoke", you are correct. But you're also too serious to take a joke. I'm just kidding. You're probably too smart to take a joke.

Still, I'm off the reservation (my apartment here) and Winnipeg bound on Wednesday.

I'm movin' for a lotta reasons. I don't really want to get in to them. Let's just say I'm moving for the betterment of humanity. I'd be happier in The 'Peg than I would be out here. It'd be better for my walk if I wasn't here. I'd be able to be with the ol' ball 'n' chain if I was in the great province of Manitoba. Would you look at that. I just told you the reasons I'm moving back. SWEET, RIGHT? Nah, it's cool, bro.

I've really loved my time out hurr. I've met some amazing people (mostly the people I live with). They've been supportive and awesome and perfect roommates. Especially when they do big loads of dishes, or come with me to get my phone fixed, or buy me a copy of Call of Duty: Black Ops, or split pizza with me, or laugh at the very unfunny things I say. They were really the best part about being in this silly city. So, if Evan, Kyle, the other Kyle, Steve, Meesha, Jordan, Xander (bro, no one ever told me how to spell your name), Brendan, Erin, or Alix (you rule, girlfriend. Show me them teeth while we listen to RENT) sees this, thanks for being AWESOME sauce.

I'd like to say some of the things I found funny, awesome, or really awesome:

  • "Boiled goose"
  • "Fah-bul Doose"
  • The Nerf Shotguns.
  • The plastic lips that Evan got a dart stuck to WHILE it was on the ceiling.
  • My going away get-together. There was too much food and no one had cake. I also spent all the time Skyping Robot. I apologize. I just love her so. 

Our attempt at the Century Club

Our failure at the Century Club
(notice everyone is happier - well, except me, but my phone's broken)

  • Alix and I singing the entire album of RENT. Well, only the good songs that didn't make us want to cry.
  • Kyle giving me TTC directions. You're the smartest most capable man I know with directions.
  • Nazi Zomgiez.
  • Hooker Hungry Hippos.
Topic: What's the first thing you look for when you get in a building?
Jordan: Windows.
Steve: Places ninjas could hide.
Caleb: Places to fart where no one could smell or hear me.
  • Walking to that park in the middle of the night just to look at the ocean (which, honestly, did not look that spectacular).
  • The Halloween party that I attended for 30 seconds before I went to Skype.
  • Me being an asshole at East Side Mario's and apologizing with a 30% tip.

Playing Pass the Popcorn and BEATING IT.

  • Egg-freakin'-licious.
  • Evan's facial hair.
  • Steve's reaction during Pass the Popcorn when he wasn't the first person to guess Toy Story. "It's my favourite movie of ALL-TIME!"
  • Xander (I swear, that's just how I'm going to forever spell your name) destroying ALL of my Fallout: New Vegas savegames by killing every other character in the game. Although, it was pretty great seeing you wipe out all the Great Khans.
Babar: the aptly named beer fridge.

Those crepes we made that one time.

I'm not sure if you guys ever saw how the Internet was hooked up upstairs, but this is how it was. No wonder it would always crap out on us. Another reason could've been our constant torrent-ing.
  • Whenever you guys studied for a test. I would add nothing helpful to the conversation.
  • "Are you ready for Halo: Reach?"   (Not Safe For Work, probably)
  • Kyle watching 500 Days of Summer 3 or 4 nights in a row.
  • Being in your movies (Waving Lactations)
  • Headbands.
That's all I could think about. If you remember any more things, let me know and I'll update this list. I'd like to look back at it and say, "Cool, a list."

Thanks for such a dynamite time in T-Dot. Now, never talk to me again. Nah, I'm jokin', bros.

Ali, if you're reading this, you inspired me to write. Congratulations. NOW I AM TIRED!

Monday, October 18, 2010

Wonder Woman Belt

Captain's Blog
Stardate 18/10/10

It's Monday. Monday.

Monday sounds like a boring day, it sounds like mundane. I suppose it's up to me to spice it up? WELL, TOO BAD! I don't feel like doing anything. I want to nap and watch House with a nice cold glass of water.

I've recently decided to ween myself off milk. It's not as tough as I would've expected. Milk here costs about $5 for three bags. I have no idea how much milk is in one bag, but whatever. Water is FREE if it's from your tap! Which reminds me of an article I read today.

It's "5 Reasons The Future Will Be Ruled By B.S." written by one of my favourite authors, David Wong. Wong wrote my favourite book of all time, John Dies At The End. But, back to the article. It's basically a list of things that rule our economic world, sort of. I don't know how to describe the article.

Here's a tiny excerpt. Wong is talking about eBooks vs. regular books:

A. Why can't the library just buy as many digital copies as are needed for the customers, and keep them forever, if they don't naturally degrade?
B. Wait a second. It's just a digital file. Why not just buy one copy, and just copy and paste it for every customer who wants to read it?
C. Wait a second. Why do you need the library at all? Why can't a customer just buy a copy from the publisher and "lend" copies to all of his friends?
D. Wait a second. If no printing and binding needs to be done, why do you need the publisher? Just buy it directly from the author.
E. Waaaaait a second. Why buy it? Once the author makes one copy available, why can't everyone just grab it for free?

Read more: http://www.cracked.com/article_18817_5-reasons-future-will-be-ruled-by-b.s..html#ixzz12k8tbtrr

Crazy stuff, eh? I do not think about that on a day to day basis, that's fo sho.

I guess I should talk about my day.

Had class, got my essay back for editing (turns out I'm a HUGE fan of commas), came home, had a box of knock-off macaroni (it was gross), then my floormates came home and we did some filming for their project. The filming portion will not be done 'till Thursday, I believe. Or tomorrow. I am too confused by those Film and Television kids.

I miss all you Winnipeg children. Move out here.

I've come to the realization of why I don't like compliments or nice things said about myself. Whenever I hear stuff like: "You're funny!" "You're nice, Caleb." "What a cute shirt you're wearing, white boy" "That's a nice murse, bro." "Is that a mirror in your pocket?" I feel like I'm being patronized or that those things aren't sincere at all. I'm wondering if I'm too self conscious. I feel like if I ask "Am I too self conscious?" That MAKES me self conscious. Stupid brain.

"We need to make her co-operate. We have to offer her something she wants."
"She wants to kill herself, House."

"I can work with that."
- House M.D.

Saturday, October 16, 2010

Dinosaur Tie

So, check it out, playas. I've got my own blog. I, Caleb Schellenberg, have gotten a blog.

Prepare for: opinions forced down your brain hole, links to websites and things that won't have any consequence in your life, and constant updates about what up in ma life. Nah, I probably won't do all of that. I think I'll just do updates. I can't think of any opinions I have currently. I'll try and keep note of them as they come along, but you know how it is.

One of the funniest things I heard last week was said by my friend Brent in class. I assume he said it by accident, or maybe he doesn't know what it means, but this is it: "This is this month's quarterly report."

He said it in our improv class and it was hilarious to me. I believe quarterly reports are only given out every quarter and not every month. I could be wrong. He could've been talking about how he got their quarterly report that month, but I doubt that's what he meant. I don't want to be wrong, so BLEGH!

That was something you did not need to know, but you can bet your bottom dollar that's what happened in my improv class.

Not really much to tell about how school has been. I've missed a couple classes, but that's classic Caleb right there. Although, my attendance of late has been rather awesome. I haven't missed the first two weeks of school! Please send all high fives to my PayPal account. My class marks will probably be shotty. Especially in my History of Comedy class. It's the type of class where you have to do extra studying and stuff to do well on the exam - which I did not do well on. The first text/exam was about Greek and Roman comedy history. That's stuff with Dionysus, Catullus, Menader, and all this garbage I had no idea about before. I estimate that my mark in that class will be no higher than 56 - the bare bottom for passing the class.

I've always wondered how "learning curves" work. I've seriously never had them explained to me. People just go on about them. I'm starting to think that not everyone knows what a learning curve is either.

My College Writing prof., Brad Reed, is pretty awesome. He's an old hippy who doesn't mind speaking from his brain. There was one problem. He showed us one of his sets from Yuk Yuks and, we're taught in our Stand Up class to NEVER go over your time limit because it screws the night for everyone else, but Mr. Brad Reed went 3 minutes longer than he should've. That's like HORRIBLE in the realm of stand up comedy. Another weird thing he did was steal a joke from Jerry Seinfeld. Respect -1.

It appears I jump all over the place. There doesn't seem to be any sort of order to these paragraphs. Much is the way of my writing style. So, apologies.

"We should get married."
"You think I'd make a good ex-wife?"

-Mad Men